How to be more attractive

How do I know if I am attractive to someone? Well, we should always bear in mind that whatever qualities appear attractive to one person won’t necessarily be attractive to another.

There are 8 billion people in the world and no two are the same. Even though we will not seem attractive to every single person out there, there are a few basic rules which, if you follow them, will make you appear one of the most attractive of all. All you need is to be aware of them and to practise them, simple as that.

Start by asking yourself what you find truly attractive. What kind of people do you like, and for what reason? Is it because they keep talking about themselves? Or because they reach out to you only when they need something? Or because they treat you badly and underestimate you? No! It is quite the opposite.

1. Focus your attention on the other person: Ask genuine questions. Be interested in them. But most importantly, listen! The more you listen, the more you will be able to ask further questions. If they start talking about something you may not fully understand, take advantage of that. You can ask deeper questions such as “What do you mean by that?” or “I’m not sure if I understand correctly, can you explain that to me?” This is the moment they realise you are really listening, and who doesn’t like to be listened to?
2. Use their name: What is our favourite thing to hear? Our name! Yes, it is not even “I love you”: it is our name. That is the only thing our brain always reacts to. We hear it on a daily basis. Let’s be honest: we meet so many people in our lives, and so often we forget their name the moment they say it. Be different, stand out, and whenever you can mention their name in your conversation, do it. Believe me, they will like you more for it.
3. Remember details: This is related to attentive listening. As well as being a good listener, it will work in your favour to remember things the other person shares with you. Do they mention important moments from their past? Or their favourite food, book or movie? Mention it in your next conversation. Or surprise them with their favourite chocolate. It takes such a small effort to play their favourite song in the car, and it makes such a big difference.
4. Give compliments: Make people around you feel appreciated. But again, if you give a compliment, mean it. Don’t be cheesy: it is so easy to spot. Notice something specific: the care someone has taken, the way they talk about their work, a detail they chose. Then bring it up. Or tell them how much you like the way they are supportive, smart or hard-working, or their passion for something.
5. Maintain contact: You met someone new and made a great first impression, but what matters more is maintaining the relationship. Reach out to them regularly, check on them, offer to grab a coffee or a drink. Consistency is the key to any long-lasting relationship.

These rules are quite general ones for being attractive to anyone: women, men, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, business partners… But I am here to talk about dating and relationships, right? So, let’s go deeper in that direction.

1. Give your full attention and be different: Listen to that person. Yes, sometimes it is hard, and we get distracted during a conversation. But if you are on a date, at least don’t touch your phone. It is best to keep it in your pocket or bag. You two met to be with each other, so get the most out of it. Also have a few ice breakers ready. Conversation does not always keep flowing, so have a card up your sleeve.
2. Have your own interests: Do things, have hobbies, read books, explore places, meet up with friends, meet new people. Show that you know how to keep yourself busy and happy. People with their own interests always seem more attractive.
3. Work on yourself: Are you happy with who you are? You can always be better, though. We have unlimited access to so many new things we can learn. Someone who is constantly looking for growth is attractive to date.
4. Put yourself first: No matter how much you like your new person, you should always come first. Don’t cross your own boundaries. Stay within your limits. Make sure that if you broke up tomorrow, you would still feel you had a life of your own.
5. Learn to accept compliments: It is very common for people who receive compliments not to know how to accept them. If someone compliments you, simply thank them. You got a compliment for a reason. Don’t start talking about how you don’t see yourself the same way. Don’t undermine it.
6. Be respectful and thoughtful: Treat everyone as you want to be treated. It is a golden rule that never gets old. Are you observing how your date talks to others? Well, they are observing you too. Think about other people’s feelings, put yourself in their shoes and be kind.
7. Be affectionate: In the first few months of dating, it is important to feel liked. You don’t have to do much PDA, but try to use small moments to show you like them. A random touch whilst you are grocery shopping. Or a cute kiss on the forehead (we women love it). Stop what you are doing for a moment and just plant a kiss. Tell them regularly how they make you feel.
8. Be sociable and not too clingy: If you go out and you are on your partner’s arm all the time, you may come across as too clingy. Give them space and have your own. Don’t be shy about talking to new people; show that you know how to have a good time even if you are not right next to each other.
9. Be sexy and confident: Believe in yourself, have healthy self-confidence, and feel sexy. We all want a partner who is not complaining about their weight, baldness or height. You are beautiful as you are, and often sexiness comes from within. It is not even about how you look but how you carry yourself.

If you would like help putting this into practice on your own dates, book a free discovery call.